Hillary Wrestles Bin Laden

From humorist Andy Borowitz,
a twisted take on the news of
the day:

Hillary 'Misspoke' on Wrestling Bin Laden
She Was Greeting Students Instead, Clinton Acknowledges
Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton, who has been accused of padding her foreign-policy resume while first lady, acknowledged today that she might have exaggerated an encounter she said she had with al-Qaeda terror mastermind Osama bin Laden in 1998.
In an appearance Sunday on NBC's Meet the Press, Sen. Clinton told host Tim Russert, "I wrestled bin Laden in his cave in 1998 and had him pinned to the ground before the bastard got away."
But a review of Clinton's official White House schedule revealed that the then-first lady was nowhere in the vicinity of bin Laden that day but was instead greeting a group of honor-roll students at Disney World near Orlando, Fla.
"I may have misspoken about what went on that particular day," Clinton said today. "But it was a very busy time for me, what with having that knife fight with Kim Jong Il and all."
Reporters peppered Clinton's new spokesman with questions about another exploit -- in which the senator claimed that she and a ragtag team of blue-collar drillers deflected an asteroid on a collision course with the Earth.
"Everything Hillary Clinton says is true," said her new spokesman, author James Frey.
Elsewhere, in his first comment on the Eliot Spitzer scandal, Vice President Dick Cheney said he has never hired a prostitute because "I've been screwing the country the past seven years."